ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
