I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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