theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.