first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
is that a dick in a sweater?