also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over