I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"