I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
