Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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