I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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