I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
