He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
