First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
