Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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