he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
