I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
