I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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