If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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