I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize