no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
