so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
