I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The feeling are messing with the penis
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
