when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
