I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
