It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
