Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
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Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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