what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
