What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
