I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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