i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize