Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
