I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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