She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
