Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
