take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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