I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
