Sry I called you an 8
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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