Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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