A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
