I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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