do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
