Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
