I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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