So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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