If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
