kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
