The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
