he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
