Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
