You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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