I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
