I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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