you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
