I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
