Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
