I cannot find my penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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