I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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