He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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