my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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