Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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