his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
