I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize